Random SizzleChicks

No order or explanation. Curves are sexy.

My personal favorite...

California On Drugs

Alone for the Holidays

I understand I'm not the only one spending the holidays alone this year. And it's hardly my first time either, but I'll be sharing my own experience in hopes of helping someone else as well as freeing some tension.

It's difficult enough when at your own hands you have created the alienation. I have been in correctional institutes during several holidays and events that I should have been with loved ones. I created a ripple of pain and loneliness that extended to family and friends who cared for me. Missed deaths and births and grand celebrations. Wrote letters, drew pictures, made endless phone calls trying to reach out from the walls and send my love and apologies to people I didn't want to forget or give up on me. I attended classes, kept to other inmates that I thought were healthy for me and did a lot of soul searching. I played sports, cards and crafted. But at the end of the day when the last count is called, I am alone... in a dorm with 200 other women, I am alone. I envision the parties and feasts that are ensuing as I lay on my bunk. I hear the laughter and music and glasses clinking. And I wonder if anyone thinks of me. How nice it would be if Tiffany was there. Does anyone stop in the moment and imagine my smile? Hear my voice greet them joyfully? Feel the love in my embrace as I hug them hello? I wonder if anyone misses me as much as I miss them. Have I been replaced? Have I been forgotten? So, yes... that is a loneliness that I induced on myself. I have a better time of accepting things if I see the logic and remedy. A set plan, maybe. And in there, I saw it all. So, I waited. I missed Holidays, lived inside the walls with what resources that were available and I waited to be free... so the loneliness would end.


photo by David Pringle

Now I face another lonely holiday. And it hurts. But not the same as above. See, after doing the work to change my life and be a better person to ensure that I wouldn't face that pain again... I'm gazing right in the dead eye of loneliness again. The greedy selfish devil that swells up from within wants to scream and shout, gnash my teeth and pummel my fists! I feel slighted by karma, cheated by celestials, and ass fucked by Apollo. Damn it, I worked hard to be the kind of person who attracted company and deserved love. I took my punishment while maintaining hope and building self esteem. I met and fell in love with a man who I adore and lust. Spent every second I could with him for months. Shared my secrets and fears and absorbed his. I put myself on the razors edge when I gave my heart to him. I trusted that pain from loneliness would never grow in me again. But I was wrong. He had to return to another state to spend the holidays with his children. Yes, he will be back. No, I am not going to die. I've been through worse... but it was at my own hand. Circumstance that I created. So, it made sense and I accepted it better.

Ironic. I'm still saying there is time to make precious memories... and I'm not doing time.

There are distinct differences in the two types of loneliness. Some good and some bad. At least this is not a punishment for something I did wrong even if it seems like it at times. I have family and friends close to me, good food, entertainment, music and rum. I can watch a movie when I want, pet my dog and walk barefoot in the grass. I have my computer and Twitter friends. I can text, I can call... and it's not collect. So, yeah... I'd rather go through it out here in the world where I can drink my self pity away.

Besides, have you ever tried to discretely masturbate on a bottom bunk with 199 other people in a dorm? I have. Not so good if your a moaner.

Thanks to David Pringle for his permission to use Prison Barber Chair http://www.pringle-art.com/

Otep - Ghost Flowers

   As I promised, the theme here is poison and pleasure and since I'm carousing with the Captain, it will be pleasure today. Let's talk about porn. Porn is like pizza and sex. It's all good, however some just has to be spit out. Nevertheless, the splendid make the search all worth it. I seek out the artistic, quirky and sensual. The kind that you chew slowly as meaty flavors burst in your mouth and the juices and flow down your fingers to be licked clean.

Got Milk?

Booze goes well

This poor thing is so angry with her flimsy lingerie she's ripping it off...

Fascinated by the body art.

Super

Lemmie introduce myselves...

First, most people want to know how I came up with the name of Santasdevil. It's pretty simple actually, but the name has evolved to fit so many different definitions of whom I am and what goes on in my head. I'll start with the conclusion and work up to the conception.

Santasdevil imitates the good and evil in all of us. It's the Yin Yang of personality, morals and nature. It's the inner struggle that occurs when we know that right is good but wrong is more fun. Awareness, conflict, guilt, acceptance and resolve. With the persona of Santasdevil I free myself from stifling the thoughts that would be unacceptable in the real world. I could never be so forward or brazen to a perfect stranger as I can be with my devil. And also, I may not be as affectionate or uninhibited face to face with someone as I am with my Santa. So yes, I take care of the naughty ones... in a good way. And I may be hard on the nice ones... in a bad way. Sometimes people need a nudge to free the anger, hostility or pain that their "too nice" people pleasing minds will allow under normal PC situations. I am glad to be that catalyst. I say the things you want. I show the things you search for but are afraid to ask. I laugh at the wrong times at the wrong things. I encourage saints to sin and predators to turn to be hunted. Comedy and Tragedy. I see the dark shadows in good people or circumstances. I see humor and irony in bad people or circumstances.

  
Perhaps that cleared things up for you.. maybe not. It's open to your own translation. But that's what Santasdevil means to me. Now the exact origin is not so ponderous...

 I didn't get through the last 41 years being a saint. I've broken laws, hearts and personal morals without any hesitation.I lived dangerously pillaging every resource that showed itself to me and took hostage of family and friends emotionally. Ultimately, I have been punished by correctional facilities, karma and assorted programs. I am pleased and relieved to discover those reckless days and hazardous nights are years behind me. Karma looks on me favorably now having exacted it's full vengeful fury on me and I answer to no outside authority. I am free and at peace. About 3 years ago, I bought my first computer for myself at Christmas and answered the call of social media, a place I could let my devil run from time to time... even if on a tether. I wanted a unique name that meant something to me and others would remember. So, the gift of my Santa was my pc... but the Devil still lurks inside. I cannot deny either side..