...but your grandchildren pack your stuff.

How old are you? Do you have children? Do you have grandchildren? Have you close family that would rush to your aid if you fell sick, injured or incapacitated somehow? Who would be there to manage your affairs... juggle your finances, care for pets and home, launder your linens, prepare your meals, administer medications, collect your mail, call your friends, sit at your side and even bathe you?


What will people say as you fight death? Will they pray for recovery? Will they cry? Would anyone you know crumble and barter their own life to God for yours?

Or will they say it's just time for you to move on to the next phase in The Circle of Life? Will they be relieved to see your suffering ended? Will they be relieved to have their own burden lifted? Will they still hold resentment against you as you fade away? Will they be there out of love or obligation?

How will you be remembered? If you could write on your own headstone, what would it say? "I'm sorry" "I tried" or " I will miss you, too"

We have all wronged people in our lives to different degrees and mostly, I believe, we have seen the pain we caused and mended our ways. But what we fail to see is that other people hurt indirectly when we hurt someone else. And sometimes that influence will last a lifetime.

In the Family Tree, stories and memories are passed from generation to generation like a leaf dropping and floating down. As they brush against a branch, they may turn and twist, change color, lose detail or fall apart completely. These leaves have great impact on our younger ones as they look up the tree to parents and grandparents. They influence how we feel about them, how we interpret words and actions from them... how we love them.

My grandmother is almost 90 and she started the new year in a new home. She left a beautiful house on 15 acres to reside in a small apartment in an assisted living facility. She has three living daughters but only one of which is nearby. My mother, who is also the oldest daughter. My mother has spent endless days and hours trying to make her comfortable, tend her home and run her errands. There's always something more, some place grandma has to go or has to have immediately! And mom does it. But not with love, obligation.

See, some of the leaves that dropped around my head had the feel of abuse and neglect. Images of knifes flying through the air, back hands that drew blood and hair ripped from the head. I imagined the scenes of the eldest daughter cooking and caring for three siblings as their mother neglected them in exchange for dinner parties and promoting her social status. The leaves have color of black, blue and dirty brown from bruising. They wisp by me and I hear shouting, screaming and crying. But they aren't the only memories that fluttered my way. Listening to my aunts rehash the past, I hear the respect, love and gratefulness in their voices as they talk of my mothers part in their upbringing. She protected them, feed them, made sure they had carefree fun as a child should. She loved them like a Mother... my Mother. The woman who caught a backhand in mid air as I sat in the seat of a grocery cart...who I saw snarl and roar at my grandmother like a lioness threatening her with certain harm if she laid one wicked finger on my head.

My mother went on to become the strongest, most independent woman I will ever know and love. She brought her protective nurturing nature into law enforcement and retired at 23 years of service as a sheriff deputy. The entire county she worked in loves her for her ability to blend compassion and commitment into law enforcement. On many occasions, I have had to wait patiently as someone either interrupted us dining out or shopping just to thank her for something she did or did not do for them. And I contribute a large part of her nature to her childhood nightmares with my grandma.

So, I ask you again to consider the questions above. What leaves have you dropped over younger generations? How do they view you? Who do you think will be there in your time of need?

Yes, your children will pick out your nursing home.... but remember, your grandchildren will pack your stuff. "What, grandma? You cannot find your teeth? Well, I know I packed them for you."

*The pictures used today are my grandchildren and my grandmother. My grandfather died 4 years ago with Alzhiemers and Parkensons. Grandma was his cruel caretaker*